Douchebag of the Week

DBOTW: Drunk Mike


While in New York for work a couple of weeks ago, Wafer and I headed to The Watering Hole for dinner. We sat at the bar, eating our fried food, chatting with each other and discussing the basketball games that were on tv. We were having a lovely time. Until.

Toward the end of the evening, Drunk Mike stopped by. He greets us and proceeds to ask "Can I have some of your fries?" while reaching past us to grab a handful of fries. He shoves them in his mouth and starts chatting.

"Where are you from? OH! You're here for work? What kind of work? I work for Accenture. Do you know what my company did today? You don't?!? Really?!? We announced a new thing with Tiger Woods. If you lived in New York, you'd know that. Yeah, I've been working for Accenture for 4 years. It's a great job."

At which point we interject: "we're heading out...early flight tomorrow...goodnight!" To which he responds:

"What time's your flight? Which airport? Are you taking a cab? If you are, you should pay cash. New York cab drivers like it when you pay cash. So do waiters. Even if you pay the bill with a credit card, you should tip in cash. What kind of ring is that? That's the wrong hand. Why aren't you married?"

(all the while, he continues eating our fries and we ask for the check...willing it to come faster is not working)

I tell him I'm not old enough to be married and that maybe someday I will be.

"How old are you? Guess how old I am? I'm 30. Turning 31 next month. Don't I look good for 31? I don't have any grey hair at all yet."

Finally, the check arrives, we don our coats and tell Drunk Mike we're leaving. He keeps hovering around our stools eating the remainder of our fries while we skip happily out the door.

So, congratulations Drunk Mike. Your ever-running mouth, filled with our french fries, earns you the honor of DBOTW.