Remember in the late 80s when it was cool for couples to walk around with their hands in each others' back pockets? And in the late 90s when it was cool for couples to hold "hands" by the pinkies?
Well, now, apparently it's "cool" for couples to grope each other in public and shove their tongues down each others' throats.
Seriously, people. I dont want to see that. Why do you want me to see that?
When I was a sophomore in college, I pledged a sorority. As part of the membership process, we had an older sister who was assigned to teach us the ways of the sorority. I remember very clearly the day she taught us what was unacceptable behavior at a sorority party. Smoking, drinking, swearing and spitting were forbidden while wearing your sorority letters. Dancing on bars (or otherwise trashily) and making out with boys in public were also unacceptable.
Sadly, many people were not so fortunate as to receive decency training from a member of the Royal Family. These are the people who have been spotted all over the globe, having private fun in public.
I'm generally pretty tolerant of tacky people: I merely jot down the activity in question and assign it to a chapter in my book ("We Don't Do Tacky: A Guide to Gentle Living", coming soon to a bookstore near you). But lately, the PDA thing has gotten out of hand. When people who aren't the bride and groom are open-mouth kissing in church (like, during the service), what is this world coming to!??!
Wafer and Shanks have both Tweeted about sickeningly displays. Makes me wish we could still "tap" people for being tacky, or write them up to the Standards committee or just say "TNT" and have it rectified.
QOD: "Do NOT be making out or messing around with your boyfriend in public. I mean, if it's that bad, just take it home." - LN, Pledge mom 2001
Showing posts with label Wafer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wafer. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Douchebag of the Week
DBOTW: Drunk Mike
While in New York for work a couple of weeks ago, Wafer and I headed to The Watering Hole for dinner. We sat at the bar, eating our fried food, chatting with each other and discussing the basketball games that were on tv. We were having a lovely time. Until.
Toward the end of the evening, Drunk Mike stopped by. He greets us and proceeds to ask "Can I have some of your fries?" while reaching past us to grab a handful of fries. He shoves them in his mouth and starts chatting.
"Where are you from? OH! You're here for work? What kind of work? I work for Accenture. Do you know what my company did today? You don't?!? Really?!? We announced a new thing with Tiger Woods. If you lived in New York, you'd know that. Yeah, I've been working for Accenture for 4 years. It's a great job."
At which point we interject: "we're heading out...early flight tomorrow...goodnight!" To which he responds:
"What time's your flight? Which airport? Are you taking a cab? If you are, you should pay cash. New York cab drivers like it when you pay cash. So do waiters. Even if you pay the bill with a credit card, you should tip in cash. What kind of ring is that? That's the wrong hand. Why aren't you married?"
(all the while, he continues eating our fries and we ask for the check...willing it to come faster is not working)
I tell him I'm not old enough to be married and that maybe someday I will be.
"How old are you? Guess how old I am? I'm 30. Turning 31 next month. Don't I look good for 31? I don't have any grey hair at all yet."
Finally, the check arrives, we don our coats and tell Drunk Mike we're leaving. He keeps hovering around our stools eating the remainder of our fries while we skip happily out the door.
So, congratulations Drunk Mike. Your ever-running mouth, filled with our french fries, earns you the honor of DBOTW.
While in New York for work a couple of weeks ago, Wafer and I headed to The Watering Hole for dinner. We sat at the bar, eating our fried food, chatting with each other and discussing the basketball games that were on tv. We were having a lovely time. Until.
Toward the end of the evening, Drunk Mike stopped by. He greets us and proceeds to ask "Can I have some of your fries?" while reaching past us to grab a handful of fries. He shoves them in his mouth and starts chatting.
"Where are you from? OH! You're here for work? What kind of work? I work for Accenture. Do you know what my company did today? You don't?!? Really?!? We announced a new thing with Tiger Woods. If you lived in New York, you'd know that. Yeah, I've been working for Accenture for 4 years. It's a great job."
At which point we interject: "we're heading out...early flight tomorrow...goodnight!" To which he responds:
"What time's your flight? Which airport? Are you taking a cab? If you are, you should pay cash. New York cab drivers like it when you pay cash. So do waiters. Even if you pay the bill with a credit card, you should tip in cash. What kind of ring is that? That's the wrong hand. Why aren't you married?"
(all the while, he continues eating our fries and we ask for the check...willing it to come faster is not working)
I tell him I'm not old enough to be married and that maybe someday I will be.
"How old are you? Guess how old I am? I'm 30. Turning 31 next month. Don't I look good for 31? I don't have any grey hair at all yet."
Finally, the check arrives, we don our coats and tell Drunk Mike we're leaving. He keeps hovering around our stools eating the remainder of our fries while we skip happily out the door.
So, congratulations Drunk Mike. Your ever-running mouth, filled with our french fries, earns you the honor of DBOTW.
Give my regards to Broadway...
I went to New York for work a couple of weeks ago. We held a series of meetings with key people to give them advanced info on an announcement my client was making in the Bay Area the following week.
In my line of work, we do things like this fairly often, and for me, these types of projects are the best part of my job. I get to help my client figure out exactly what to say to best share their info and make a point. And I get to play "hostess", sending out invitations, helping executives pick their outfits, making introductions and guiding conversations. The preparation for such an event is intense, but worth it. And my clients were pleased with how everything went. Yay!
My colleague Wafer was on the trip with me and it was great. We made quick work of the hard labor and kept each other company. And our last night in town, we found time to explore the city. And that's where the story gets interesting.
We walked to the much bally-hooed Magnolia Bakery (of Sex & The City fame) then sat on the steps of a cute little brownstone to eat our FANTASTIC cupcakes. Then we hit a Rite-Aid for chapstick and a fleece scarf. Then we took a cab to Flute, a champagne bar. Which ROCKED OUT LOUD. The decor was cozy chic, with overstuffed pillows and fireplaces. It had romantical nooks for the couples, but was largely an after-work crowd. They had nearly every champagne EVAR but we ignored the "hooker drink" stigma and chose a couple of champagne cocktails. Which ROCKED OUT LOUD. Champagne sangria was good...so was something they called the "Marquis de Sade" and the "Bellini-tini". mmmm...
Then we went searching a place to eat. And found The Watering Hole. We sat at the bar and ordered french fries and blueberry Stoli & sodas. We had fun, chatting with the bartenders and each other, daring the bartender to "make me something pink...that's not a Cosmo" and "make me something green...without creme de menthe".
Around midnight, I went to the bathroom. And that's when things started going downhill. On the way back to the bar, I got clucked at and asked to dance. At a bar where there was basketball on the big screens and no dancefloor. Yeah. Not long after returning to my seat, Drunk Mike came over and started eating our french fries. He proceeded to tell us about Tiger Woods, tips for handling New York and inquire as to why I wasn't married. At which point, we got the heck out of dodge.
Cupcakes, pink drinks and a speedy escape from Drunk Mike...not a bad night. Oh yeah, and our clients were happy. All in all, a good trip.
In my line of work, we do things like this fairly often, and for me, these types of projects are the best part of my job. I get to help my client figure out exactly what to say to best share their info and make a point. And I get to play "hostess", sending out invitations, helping executives pick their outfits, making introductions and guiding conversations. The preparation for such an event is intense, but worth it. And my clients were pleased with how everything went. Yay!
My colleague Wafer was on the trip with me and it was great. We made quick work of the hard labor and kept each other company. And our last night in town, we found time to explore the city. And that's where the story gets interesting.
We walked to the much bally-hooed Magnolia Bakery (of Sex & The City fame) then sat on the steps of a cute little brownstone to eat our FANTASTIC cupcakes. Then we hit a Rite-Aid for chapstick and a fleece scarf. Then we took a cab to Flute, a champagne bar. Which ROCKED OUT LOUD. The decor was cozy chic, with overstuffed pillows and fireplaces. It had romantical nooks for the couples, but was largely an after-work crowd. They had nearly every champagne EVAR but we ignored the "hooker drink" stigma and chose a couple of champagne cocktails. Which ROCKED OUT LOUD. Champagne sangria was good...so was something they called the "Marquis de Sade" and the "Bellini-tini". mmmm...
Then we went searching a place to eat. And found The Watering Hole. We sat at the bar and ordered french fries and blueberry Stoli & sodas. We had fun, chatting with the bartenders and each other, daring the bartender to "make me something pink...that's not a Cosmo" and "make me something green...without creme de menthe".
Around midnight, I went to the bathroom. And that's when things started going downhill. On the way back to the bar, I got clucked at and asked to dance. At a bar where there was basketball on the big screens and no dancefloor. Yeah. Not long after returning to my seat, Drunk Mike came over and started eating our french fries. He proceeded to tell us about Tiger Woods, tips for handling New York and inquire as to why I wasn't married. At which point, we got the heck out of dodge.
Cupcakes, pink drinks and a speedy escape from Drunk Mike...not a bad night. Oh yeah, and our clients were happy. All in all, a good trip.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Questionnaire Thingy
Ok, this is a silly little thing I poached from another blog. But it's pretty fun.
***************FOODOLOGY***************
1. What is your salad dressing of choice? Ranch. On salad, on French fries, on chicken fingers, sometimes on pizza…you get the picture.
2. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Oh so many. Peso’s, Serafina, The Met
3. What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it? Turkey sandwich…in fact, I think I’ve done this
4. What are your pizza toppings of choice? Mushrooms take the #1 spot, but basically, I like my pizza like I like my men: LOADED!
5. What do you like to put on your toast? Bacon
***************TECHNOLOGY***************
1. How many televisions are in your house? 2. I’m not the original owner of either of them.
2. What colour cell phone do you have? shiny lime-ish green
*****************BIOLOGY******************
1. Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right handed. I tried to train myself to be more left-handed once…it was kinda fun!
2. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Wisdom teeth, splinters, stray eyebrows
3. What is the last heavy item you lifted? Printers. Lots and lots of printers.
4. Have you ever been knocked unconscious or fainted? Fainted once. Been close to it several times. I have this condition….
************BULLCRAPOLOGY**************
1. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Yes and no
2. If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock
3. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? Heck yeah! I once attempted to eat a spoonful of ground cinnamon for $50. (in case you’re wondering, I couldn’t do it and ended up sneezing up cinnamon for the next 3 days)
************DUMBOLOGY******************
1. How many pairs of flip flops do you own? Not enough!!
2. Last time you had a run-in with the cops? Define run-in? Actually, I don’t remember the last time I even saw a cop, much less had an encounter or a “run-in”
3. Last person you hugged? Fritha?
**************FAVORITOLOGY****************
1. Season? Football
2. Holiday? Christmas
3. Day of the week? Friday
4. Month? September
***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************
1. Missing someone? Yes
2. Mood? Happy
3. What are you listening to? the TV
4. Watching? Ugly Betty
5. Worrying about? my credit card bill
***************RANDOMOLOGY*****************
1. First place you went this morning? the bathroom
2. What’s the last movie you saw? He’s Just Not That Into You...with Pickle and Pie and friends
3. Do you smile often? Actually, yeah
********************QUESTIONS******************
1. Do you always answer your phone? Nope
2. You love…? poofy skirts, warm chocolate chip cookies, the beach and pink champagne
3. If you could change your eye color what would it be? Terminator Blue. Don't freak out, Wafer!
4. What flavour do you add to your drink at Sonic? Cherry…mmmm
5. Do you own a digital camera? Yes. Two actually. I think both of them have dead batteries right now.
6. Favorite Christmas song? O Holy Night
7. What’s on your wish list for your birthday? Fritha and Conan made my wish list come true: they gave me a pink flask and a Big Fat Llama
8. Can you do push ups? Yes. I’m better at the “girl” kind
9. Does the future make you more nervous or excited? Both
10. Ever been in a car wreck? Yep. I am now the proud owner of some guard rail on I-95 as a result.
11. Do you have an accent? Yes ma’am.
12. What is the last song to make you cry? Dunno, but it was probably country music.
13. Plans tonight? Update my blog
14. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? Not yet
15. Name 3 things you bought yesterday: phad thai, chicken cashew nut and chopsticks? (all I bought yesterday was lunch)
16. Name 3 things from the bailout: is this like a quiz?
17. Have you ever been given roses? Yes. Some of them were even Killarney roses
18. Current hate right now? Scarlet Johannsen. She’s #1 on my list of celebrities I want to fight.
19. Met someone who changed your life? Yes
20. How did you bring in the New Year? At a wedding! With Rocky & Bullwinkle and Rosie & Sigma and a DJ who had ZERO Michael Jackson music
21. Name three people who might complete this? Meh.
22. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Eating a cupcake! Thanks Frannie!
23. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Crap! I have an 8am conference call!
***************FOODOLOGY***************
1. What is your salad dressing of choice? Ranch. On salad, on French fries, on chicken fingers, sometimes on pizza…you get the picture.
2. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Oh so many. Peso’s, Serafina, The Met
3. What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it? Turkey sandwich…in fact, I think I’ve done this
4. What are your pizza toppings of choice? Mushrooms take the #1 spot, but basically, I like my pizza like I like my men: LOADED!
5. What do you like to put on your toast? Bacon
***************TECHNOLOGY***************
1. How many televisions are in your house? 2. I’m not the original owner of either of them.
2. What colour cell phone do you have? shiny lime-ish green
*****************BIOLOGY******************
1. Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right handed. I tried to train myself to be more left-handed once…it was kinda fun!
2. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Wisdom teeth, splinters, stray eyebrows
3. What is the last heavy item you lifted? Printers. Lots and lots of printers.
4. Have you ever been knocked unconscious or fainted? Fainted once. Been close to it several times. I have this condition….
************BULLCRAPOLOGY**************
1. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Yes and no
2. If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock
3. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? Heck yeah! I once attempted to eat a spoonful of ground cinnamon for $50. (in case you’re wondering, I couldn’t do it and ended up sneezing up cinnamon for the next 3 days)
************DUMBOLOGY******************
1. How many pairs of flip flops do you own? Not enough!!
2. Last time you had a run-in with the cops? Define run-in? Actually, I don’t remember the last time I even saw a cop, much less had an encounter or a “run-in”
3. Last person you hugged? Fritha?
**************FAVORITOLOGY****************
1. Season? Football
2. Holiday? Christmas
3. Day of the week? Friday
4. Month? September
***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************
1. Missing someone? Yes
2. Mood? Happy
3. What are you listening to? the TV
4. Watching? Ugly Betty
5. Worrying about? my credit card bill
***************RANDOMOLOGY*****************
1. First place you went this morning? the bathroom
2. What’s the last movie you saw? He’s Just Not That Into You...with Pickle and Pie and friends
3. Do you smile often? Actually, yeah
********************QUESTIONS******************
1. Do you always answer your phone? Nope
2. You love…? poofy skirts, warm chocolate chip cookies, the beach and pink champagne
3. If you could change your eye color what would it be? Terminator Blue. Don't freak out, Wafer!
4. What flavour do you add to your drink at Sonic? Cherry…mmmm
5. Do you own a digital camera? Yes. Two actually. I think both of them have dead batteries right now.
6. Favorite Christmas song? O Holy Night
7. What’s on your wish list for your birthday? Fritha and Conan made my wish list come true: they gave me a pink flask and a Big Fat Llama
8. Can you do push ups? Yes. I’m better at the “girl” kind
9. Does the future make you more nervous or excited? Both
10. Ever been in a car wreck? Yep. I am now the proud owner of some guard rail on I-95 as a result.
11. Do you have an accent? Yes ma’am.
12. What is the last song to make you cry? Dunno, but it was probably country music.
13. Plans tonight? Update my blog
14. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? Not yet
15. Name 3 things you bought yesterday: phad thai, chicken cashew nut and chopsticks? (all I bought yesterday was lunch)
16. Name 3 things from the bailout: is this like a quiz?
17. Have you ever been given roses? Yes. Some of them were even Killarney roses
18. Current hate right now? Scarlet Johannsen. She’s #1 on my list of celebrities I want to fight.
19. Met someone who changed your life? Yes
20. How did you bring in the New Year? At a wedding! With Rocky & Bullwinkle and Rosie & Sigma and a DJ who had ZERO Michael Jackson music
21. Name three people who might complete this? Meh.
22. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Eating a cupcake! Thanks Frannie!
23. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Crap! I have an 8am conference call!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
We've actually got a nice little Saturday planned...
I woke up early in anticipation of joining Pickle and her friend for a major event at the big Goodwill. Known as the Glitter sale, it promised to be exciting and full of good deals. The sale started at 9am; when we arrived at 9:40am, there was a line from the warehouse, through the store, out the doors and down the sidewalk, the length of the city-block-sized building. So we get in line.
We wait in line about 45 minutes, then enter into a vortex that takes us directly to the center of all things suck. The little room where the sale is being held is packed with people and really hot. The stuff was picked over and piled up and you had to take a number to even get allowed to look at the jewelry. I have been known to do some shopping damage in my day, but I was way out of my league here. These women were SERIOUS. They had worn bathing suits to the sale so they could try things on without having to take clothes off. They had paired off and were yelling back and forth and throwing clothes to one another. They had baskets and highly-honed crowd-weaving skills. I was a little scared.
After approximately 7 hair-raising minutes, I found Pickle and Wafer and we bolted. After checking out the housewares section and holiday offerings, we cleared out to wide open spaces and fresh air. We met back up with some other girls and hit the road. We decided we needed some comfort food after our harrowing experience, so we headed to the 5 Point Diner for greasy goodness.
And oh, was it good. I mean, the place is a total dive and it's AWESOME. I ordered chicken fried steak (which I wasnt sure I could find in Seattle) and it was AMAZING. And huge. And I ate the whole stupid thing. I'm not really sure if it was the stress of the morning, or the deliciousness of the food, but I cleaned my plate. And then I went home and fell asleep watching Florida beat the crap out of South Carolina.
When I woke up, I went to baby-sit two superfun little boys, where we played and had a good time, then I went home to bed.
I didnt make it to Bed Bath & Beyond...I dont know...I guess I just didnt have enough time.
We wait in line about 45 minutes, then enter into a vortex that takes us directly to the center of all things suck. The little room where the sale is being held is packed with people and really hot. The stuff was picked over and piled up and you had to take a number to even get allowed to look at the jewelry. I have been known to do some shopping damage in my day, but I was way out of my league here. These women were SERIOUS. They had worn bathing suits to the sale so they could try things on without having to take clothes off. They had paired off and were yelling back and forth and throwing clothes to one another. They had baskets and highly-honed crowd-weaving skills. I was a little scared.
After approximately 7 hair-raising minutes, I found Pickle and Wafer and we bolted. After checking out the housewares section and holiday offerings, we cleared out to wide open spaces and fresh air. We met back up with some other girls and hit the road. We decided we needed some comfort food after our harrowing experience, so we headed to the 5 Point Diner for greasy goodness.
And oh, was it good. I mean, the place is a total dive and it's AWESOME. I ordered chicken fried steak (which I wasnt sure I could find in Seattle) and it was AMAZING. And huge. And I ate the whole stupid thing. I'm not really sure if it was the stress of the morning, or the deliciousness of the food, but I cleaned my plate. And then I went home and fell asleep watching Florida beat the crap out of South Carolina.
When I woke up, I went to baby-sit two superfun little boys, where we played and had a good time, then I went home to bed.
I didnt make it to Bed Bath & Beyond...I dont know...I guess I just didnt have enough time.
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