Douchebag of the Week

On the way back from Gen Con last week, I was seated in seat 9A, per my usual. I always try to sit in a window seat in a row 10 or lower. I don't like the bulkhead or exit rows. I LOVE the free upgrade to first class, but I can't count on that.

So I was sitting in 9A, on my way back to Seattle after a short layover in Houston, when my row-mates joined me. The lady on the aisle sat down and pulled out a book and headphones and got situated. I like her style.

The dude in the middle seat. Yeah...about that. He sits down wearing jeans, a long-sleeved button-down shirt and a shearling-lined jacket. And a frayed straw cowboy-style hat. And a pair of "diamond" earrings. Keep in mind, we're flying from Houston, TEXAS to Seattle, in the middle of AUGUST. There is no need for the shearling-lined jacket.

He proceeded to fall asleep and slump onto the lady on the aisle. She leans over to get out from under him and is hanging out into the aisle when the flight attendant walks by. The flight attendant then says "Excuse me, do y'all know him?" (Houston-based flight crew, clearly) We respond that we don't know him and the flight attendant shakes him awake and tells him he's not allowed to fall asleep on strangers. Here's to you, miss flight attendant lady!

The guy re-adjusts himself in his seat and falls back asleep for a bit, while I pulled out my notebook PC and proceeded to catch up on email. I have my headphones in, watching the in-flight movie (My Life in Ruins, starring Nia Vardalos. It was cute, but not awesome) and doing work. It's pretty obvious I don't want to make small talk with my seatmates.

At this point, the dude wakes up, taps me and says "how much longer til we get there?"

Blink. Blink. Seriously?

So I tell him that we're probably half way through our 4-hour flight and therefore have about 2 more hours. He goes back to sleep for half an hour, then wakes up and taps me again.

Dude: "Where did we stop?"
Me: "Um...we stop in Seattle??"
Dude: "No, where are we now. Didn't we stop?"
Me: "Uh...no. We're still in the air."
Dude: "Oh. How much longer til we get there?"
Me: "Well, we land at 2:30pm and it's 1pm now, so about another hour and a half."
Dude: "Ugh. This is a long flight"

Half-hour later....

tap tap tap
Dude (while looking at my computer screen): "What time is it?"
Me (turning computer away from him): "It's 1:30pm"
Dude: "So are we almost there?"
(SERIOUSLY)
Me: "About another hour"
Dude: "When do we start heading down?"
Me: "Soon. Very soon."

People who are old enough to travel unaccompanied without special attention from the flight crew are not allowed to ask questions like that. Period.

I usually have such good luck with airplane seatmates....I guess I was due.