Douchebag of the Week

I feel a little wrong giving the award to a chick, but...well...if the shoe fits....

Queenie used to have this friend who's a little, um, unbalanced? I heard about the girl (from Queenie) for years before actually meeting her and in the 15 minute in-person meeting, she solidified everything I had heard (flighty, short attention span, spastic).

This girl invites Queenie to hang out with some other friends (one of whom is Coleslaw) and Queenie has a great time and enjoys spending time with these people. After a few weeks, the douchebaguette gets a little jealous that Coleslaw is paying more attention to Queenie than to her.

This next part is a bit fuzzy, but since this is my blog, you can read my interpretation of the situation.

The girl (let's call her Punky) and Queenie rode together to a party one night. Late in the evening, Punky says to Queenie, "I'm going to try to get Todd to take me home with him*. You need to get a ride home." (take a moment to recognize the multiple layers of tacky in that statement.........ok) When Punky secures the invitation from Todd, Coleslaw (Todd's BF) offers to give Queenie a ride home.

Queenie gets home safely. Punky goes home with Todd. They go pick up her car the next morning.

Fast forward a week or so to Coleslaw laming out....and Queenie wondering why all of a sudden he just doesn't seem that into her anymore.

Fast forward a couple of weeks later to Queenie telling Punky she still doesn't know why Coleslaw lamed out on her. Punky keeps saying “I don’t know! I don’t know why he lamed out! He told me he liked you!”

Fast forward another week or so to Queenie at a party where Sally comes over and says “I think Coleslaw heard something about you from some other people and that’s why he lamed out.”

Turns out that Punky told Todd, who told Coleslaw, who told Jason, who told Sally, that Queenie doesn’t ‘ride kangaroos’. And Coleslaw wanted to be with someone who does ‘ride kangaroos’ so he lamed out. (BTW – clearly marsupial mounting is not the real issue here.)

Queenie is proud of her choice not to ‘ride kangaroos’ but that's not for Punky to tell Todd (to tell Coleslaw, to tell Jason, to tell Sally). That’s for Queenie to talk about as she chooses.

So Queenie asks Punky about it, to which she replies, “What?!?!” And when Queenie says there’s no other way for that news to get out, other than Punky telling Todd, Punky says “I mean…uh…oh…uh…I mean, maybe I said something to him or maybe it slipped out…you know, like if I was drunk or something.”

Queenie tells Punky she's upset about this, but Punky doesn't really understand why. The prevailing theory is that Punky needed some attention and thought that by pointing out that “She doesn’t ‘ride kangaroos’ but I do!” would make her more popular. Queenie feels a little sabotaged and pretty much figures that she can’t trust Punky anymore.

Queenie attempted to move past it and continue her friendship with Punky, but every time Queenie called, Punky wouldn't call back. Even when Queenie called to invite Punky to a birthday thing for a mutual friend, Punky doesn’t call back. Or show up. Punky just keeps getting lamer and lamer.

So Queenie has written off Punky, chalking her up to being a douchebaguette.

*Dear Punky, if you have to talk a guy into hanging out with you, he's just not that into you! There's a movie you should see....oh wait...you already did.