Douchebag of the Week

Y'all. I have some friends who are dating DUDES.

I mean....DUDES.

Pie recently went through this with a 20-something-year-old dude who wore low-slung sweatpants with a popped-collar polo shirt and sunglasses on his forehead after dark. In Seattle. Where we dont have sun anyway.

Then there's Queenie. Who's been seeing this dude for 3 months (or so). And when they hang out, they have a great time. He's super fun and sporty and interesting and thinks she's super fun and interesting. They have fun outings or just fun conversations over dinner, etc.

There are just a couple of problems here:
- They've been seeing each other for 3 months and never has the conversation of "are we exclusive?" come up. When you're in college, or immediately thereafter, that may seem normal. But by the time you are a real adult, you are likely not dating just for fun and want to be in a relationship. And if the guy you're seeing is a real adult (NOTE: age is just a number when it comes to this. more on that later.), he'll be in the same situation. Men are pretty simple: they like what they like. If he likes you and wants to be in a relationship with you, he's not going to let much time go by before he tries to lock you down. Let's take Fritha and Conan for example. Four months after they met, they were dating pretty seriously and he's trying to figure out how to drop the L bomb without freaking her out. Even BF and me - once I realized we were dating, it was not long at all (< 3 months) before we were serious. He was dragging me to his work functions, to meet his friends in other cities, to meet his family in another state. (standard disclaimer: every relationship is different and everybody moves at their own pace, blah blah blah so, you know, whatevs)

- The guy, let's call him Tank, doesnt have a "real job" so he has a weird schedule and lots of time on his hands. Therefore he takes lots of last minute side trips to play golf, go to the beach, go to a wedding. Due to this, his schedule is a little wacky and he isnt really into planning things. Which would be fine, except that it bugs Queenie. She has her ess together and likes to plan things. Case in point: July 2, she texts him to ask if he has July 4th plans and invites him to hang out. He tells her he's not sure he's going to be in town. July 4th was a Wednesday this year. Makes impromptu out-of-town trips a little harder. And yet, still, less than 48 hours before fireworks time, he's not sure he's going to be in town. This is either a blow-off or the lame, flaky truth, but either way, ugh.

- But even the flakiness and lack of scheduling could be overlooked....except.....his preferred communication method is texting. Now, as a general rule, I'm not anti-texting. But it is a limited sort of communication vehicle and needs to be balanced with phone calls, emails, post cards, in-person chats, etc. to have real conversations. Apparently Tank does not agree. He pretty much ONLY texts Queenie. Even after she told him that she would like them to add more in-person time in among the texting, he continues to primarily text her. 


So, Queenie decides this is not the kind of relationship she wants to be in and responds to his text by saying "BTW - I'm kinda over all this texting. LMK if you wanna hang out in person sometime."

She is clearly articulating a communication preference to someone with whom she is going on dates. I support this.

The response,via text of course, effectively clenching his spot as DBOTW: "ok".


Queenie is walking away, head held high.