Deported?!

Y'all remember that time I dated a guy who got deported?*
Yeah. 

Apparently I have a thing with dating guys who end up  leaving the country. DTB got deported....current BF voluntarily left. I mean.....come on.

Stay tuned for more on the lessons God is teaching me through this trial. Because I truly believe that God has a plan, that everything happens for a reason and that His plan is good. 

*yes, we know that deported is not TECHNICALLY accurate for the situation. But "remember that time I dated a guy who had to move back to his country of citizenship because (due to strange and ongoing circumstances) his work visa was unrenewable" just doesnt roll off the tongue.

DTB update

Saw DTB last week.

He was rude. And he looked fat.

Which just adds two more things to the list of reasons I win: I have the job he wants; I am legally allowed to live in the US; I didnt get fat; I've never been deported; I'm not rude.

I'm really glad my association with him is over.

Douchebag of the Week

DTB got engaged. Less than a year after our association ended. Hmm...

That seems to indicate to me that:
a) my association with him was unbeknownst to some girl he was with at the time
b) his association with me was exploitative only (too bad he did not get the job or the sex or the money....or really anything else....he could have been seeking....)
c) he quickly met and proposed to someone and now she is (unknowingly) marrying a douchebag
d) she knows all and is marrying said douchebag anyway

I mean, I'm glad to no longer be associated with DTB, but I find the whole sitch a little disturbing. Granted, I only heard about the engagement via Facebook, so there is lots of missing and/or distorted information.

But I pretty much believe that DTB is a douchebag and therefore assume the douchebaggiest of all possibilities in any situation regarding him.

Whatevs.

Scrollin' scrollin' scrollin'

Do you ever scroll through your cell phone and wonder about the numbers that are still there despite the owner no longer being in your life?

I did this recently and discovered the following:
- a friend from college who currently lives in Uruguay (or Paraguay...I forget which)
- my college roommate who now has a new last name and lives in France
- the (now) wife of a guy who was the roommate of a guy I dated in college
- my third cousin's friend who was in Seattle for business a few years ago
- the Dance Marathon office at the University of South Carolina
- my sorority headquarters
- the douchebag I was involved with, who has since been deported
- spokespeople/clients I no longer work with: some of whom are no longer employed by companies who are no longer my client
- a small company in Columbia, SC, where I interviewed for a job right out of college
- someone named Jessica who advertised a bookshelf on Craigs List
- multiple ex-boyfriends
- some people entered only as first names, whose full identity is a mystery (Katie, Sara, Penny, Rob, Sven)
- husband of a girl I used to work with, neither of whom I've spoken to in more than a year
- my high school statistics teacher's daughter
- Oasis. (No clue what that's supposed to mean, but I doubt it's the band)
- a resturant in Columbia, SC
- several others who now live in foreign countries
- crazy bitch ex-roommate
- guy who is a friend of a friend, who I made out with once
- The Nabob
- conference call dial-in numbers
- an entry titled "Tv cabinet" (yeah....I don't know)
- the Victoria's Secret at Cary Towne Center

And yet, even now, as I scroll through my phone looking at the list of numbers I will probably NEVER need again, I dont delete them. I dont know, maybe, JUST MAYBE I might need to have them at some point. Or maybe there's some weird nostalgic value in it.

Who knows.

1975: Bad Vintage

Wines take on the personality of the year in which its grapes were harvested. The weather of that year, the soil make-up, the presence of bugs and the date of harvest can all affect the end product. If there was a hurricane or infestation or other naturally occuring snafu, that year's crop and corresponding wines will not be good.

I think men are like that.

For some reason, all the men born in 1975 are completely undate-able. I dont know if it's because of the weather that year, the number of full moons, or maybe it was just the Chinese year of the rat, but it's a bad vintage.

To support my theory, I cite the following examples:
1) The guy who lives in a house with 3 other adults (2 of whom are married to each other and have a newborn baby) because he "can't afford" a place on his own. He can, however, afford to buy marijuana and he and his roommates sit around and smoke pot together on a regular basis. Well, except for the female roommate, because she's still breast-feeding.

2) The guy who was completely wonderful and attentive and fun and a great match for me...until he fell off the face of the earth. Calls and emails went unreturned for months until I got a one-line note asking if I'd gone on my Peruvian vacation yet. Recently, he was deported.

3) Bless his heart, the great guy I dated for a while who just wasn't right for me. Spent a lot of time trying to make it work, but we weren't right together. My heart still hurts about that one.

4) The guy who called to dump my friend The Belton Belle while she was getting on a plane to go visit him after he moved states away.

5) The guy who posted an ad on Craig's List looking for "heroin skinny chicks who like cats" to come get lost in his "beefy arms". (No, I didnt reply to the ad...it was posted by a guy I know)

Any questions?

Free At Last! Free At Last!

I FINALLY THREW AWAY THE CUPCAKE BOX!

Don't worry: the cupcakes had all been eaten.

At one point in 2008 I was involved with a guy (heretofore known as DTB) who sent me cupcakes. He was living three time zones away from where I was living and we had the opportunity to be in the same time zone for a special event. DTB had emailed asking if I was attending said event, to which I replied "I don't know...I'll have to check with my boss." At which point, DTB decided to try to persuade me. He sent various music and picture files, jokes, movie quotes and hand-drawn images to attempt to persuade me. Even pictures of baked goods.

Yes, he tried to bribe me with cupcake pictures.

The next day at work, my IT guy comes over with a bakery box full of cupcakes. DTB was now trying to bribe me with actual cupcakes. He lived in another country, three time zones away and found a local bakery to make and deliver cupcakes to my office, with a note reading "This is a bribe!" Which was pretty stinkin' cute.

I didn't really tell people where the cupcakes came from (for a multitude of reasons: I had just broken up with someone else, the story of how I met DTB was a little sketchy, etc.) so I just smiled and enjoyed it.

Once all the cupcakes were gone, I kept the box as a reminder of that fun day. Even long after my involvement with DTB ended, I held on to the box. But after lots of thinking and soul-searching over the Christmas break, I realized that it's time to let go. He turned out not to be the man of my dreams and holding on the cupcake box was just pointless. And kinda gross.

So at 5:20pm today, I threw away the box. I got applause from some co-workers, even a high five. It was a good choice. I feel free.

RIP - star shirt

I used to have this shirt...it was charcoal grey with shiny colorful stars on it. Short sleeves, very fun. Went great with my red patent leather peeptoe flats.
Note the past tense. I USED TO have this shirt. It has since gone missing. I don't know where it is, but I miss it desperately. I swear my shirt and I both made it home from the bar that night...but the shirt has not been seen since. Now it lives only in my heart, my memories and some pictures on my Facebook page.
Sigh.