I love a road trip!

I took a week off at the end of September/early October. (I had budgeted vacation days to take a week off this summer and go to the beach, but that didnt really work out. So come fall, I had vacay days to burn, a friend getting married in Virginia and a great deal on plane tickets.)

I figured I had about a week to see as much of my east coast family and friends as possible.
So I did this:

Seriously.

I borrowed my dad's car and hit 5 states in about 8 days.

It was kind of awesome. I love road trips...the hum of the tires on the road...the awesomely bad music on the radio...the beautiful scenery.

I also saw quite a few public restrooms on this adventure. Some were nice (Panera in MD), most were decent (rest area on Hwy 29 just across the Virginia border), but there was one in particular that was awful.

I was trying to get to my friend's house in Atlanta and really needed a restroom stop. I thought I could wait til I got to her house (where I was planning to join a conference call) but after I got off the interstate, I ran into traffic and road construction. I realized I was going to have to join the conference call from the car, but still REALLY needed to potty. So I stopped at this kwikee mart. First of all, I'm not entirely sure they had a ladies' room. I did not find it, despite having instructions from the store owner. So I went into the mens' room. In a kwikee mart in a suburb of Atlanta. Yeah.

I decided I never want to live in Atlanta (ATL - what's with all the jaywalking?! SRSLY), had a good time exploring Roanoke, VA with Pie and Carson. Had a GREAT time at Paula's wedding, singing along to Boom Boom Pow with the mother of the bride. And totally impressed my dad with my ability to stay dry while watching an entire football game in the dumping rain. (Since moving to Seattle, I've become very good at watching football in the rain).

Overall, it was a great trip. I got to visit with lots of friends (including The Belton Belle, Bartoneus and LucyBell). I got to see Paula get married, meet the creators of my new favorite game (Fluxx...it's awesome) and eat some Chick-fil-A. Pretty much a week of awesome and win.

Douchebag of the Week

Douchebag of the Week

The Belton Belle really has the most interesting stories from the dating battlefield.

Just as a reminder, she dated the guy who dumped her via voicemail while she was boarding a plane to go visit him.

Yeah.

So, once again, the Belton Belle has met a douchebag. She met this guy online and they hit it off, finding lots to talk about and laugh about and enjoying conversation. He lived far away, but they finally met and continued enjoying each other. He moved closer and they spent more time together and it was great. There were a couple of sore spots of sorts that made the Belton Belle hesitant to get into anything too serious with X-Man, but overall, things were good.

Then one day the Belton Belle and X-Man started talking about political views. She shared some of her thoughts and he disagreed. The conversation went something like this:

BB: “I voted for Presidential Candidate A.”

X-Man: “That’s interesting. Tell me more about that. Which of the candidate’s programs or principles did you most identify with?”

BB: “Thanks for asking. I appreciate the candidate’s prioritization of blah blah blah. What do you think of those issues?”

Oh wait. For a second there I thought I was writing about mature, educated people who know how to have an interesting conversation, sharing varying points of view. My bad.

This post is titled Douchebag of the Week because the conversation went more like this:

BB: “I voted for Presidential Candidate A.”

X-Man: “That’s interesting. It’s white girls like you who are ruining this country. In fact, I think the US signed its death certificate when we gave women the right to vote. You women just don’t know your role. You’ve been brainwashed by Hollywood and academia and think that you have rights and stuff. If you crazy feminist nut jobs would stop trying to be like men, we wouldn’t have this problem.”

Blink. Blink.

First of all, what the heck kind of rant is that? Second of all, anyone who’s referred to as “The Belton Belle” is clearly not a feminist nut job. Quite the opposite actually.

Seems to be that X-Man is the nut job here. And also, the douchebag.

Here’s to you, Belton Belle and your classy way of dealing with the douchebag. Bless your heart, you dealt with his nonsense and resisted the urge to trash him all over the internet. But don’t worry, I’ll take care of that for you.

1975: Bad Vintage

Wines take on the personality of the year in which its grapes were harvested. The weather of that year, the soil make-up, the presence of bugs and the date of harvest can all affect the end product. If there was a hurricane or infestation or other naturally occuring snafu, that year's crop and corresponding wines will not be good.

I think men are like that.

For some reason, all the men born in 1975 are completely undate-able. I dont know if it's because of the weather that year, the number of full moons, or maybe it was just the Chinese year of the rat, but it's a bad vintage.

To support my theory, I cite the following examples:
1) The guy who lives in a house with 3 other adults (2 of whom are married to each other and have a newborn baby) because he "can't afford" a place on his own. He can, however, afford to buy marijuana and he and his roommates sit around and smoke pot together on a regular basis. Well, except for the female roommate, because she's still breast-feeding.

2) The guy who was completely wonderful and attentive and fun and a great match for me...until he fell off the face of the earth. Calls and emails went unreturned for months until I got a one-line note asking if I'd gone on my Peruvian vacation yet. Recently, he was deported.

3) Bless his heart, the great guy I dated for a while who just wasn't right for me. Spent a lot of time trying to make it work, but we weren't right together. My heart still hurts about that one.

4) The guy who called to dump my friend The Belton Belle while she was getting on a plane to go visit him after he moved states away.

5) The guy who posted an ad on Craig's List looking for "heroin skinny chicks who like cats" to come get lost in his "beefy arms". (No, I didnt reply to the ad...it was posted by a guy I know)

Any questions?

Douchebag of the Week

There are a lot of men in this world. Some of them are good, some are bad and some are just plain douchebags. Also known as d-bags, tools, asshats and jackholes, you know who I'm talking about. (See http://www.douchebagalert.com/db/ for examples)

Part of really being a douchenozzle* is complete oblivion to one's social ineptitudes, therefore spotting a doucheasaurus rex* is usually cake. The trouble comes when an otherwise charming young man pulls a douche move; it makes said move that much more douchey because it was so random. The inagural recipient of the Douchebag of the Week recognition is one such a doucheappotamus*.

My friend, the Belton Belle, is in grad school on the east coast, where she's teaching classes while finishing her research. Not that long ago, one of her students introduced her to a guy in need of an escort to an upcoming function. He's a doctor, a nice guy, funny, smart, good-looking and came with the recommendation of one of her favorite students. She met him for dinner then agreed to accompany him to the hospital function. They had a great time and continued seeing each other. When he told her he was moving to Michigan, they decided to continue seeing one another and coordinated trips back and forth to spend time together.

Having a long weekend for Fall Break, the Belton Belle made plans to fly to Michigan for a visit. She arranged all the details, made exciting plans for fun things to do during her time in the state shaped like a mitten and began packing. The day before leaving, she called to let him know what time her flight arrived, share excitement for the weekend and just talk. The day of the trip, she gathered her bags and headed to the airport. After a relatively uneventful trip to the check-in counter and through security she sat down to wait for her boarding call. And that's when her phone rang.

She got a voicemail from the guy that basically said "I dont think you should come this weekend. In fact, I dont think we should see each other anymore. Take care."

After the meaning of the message really sank in, she walked back through security, back to the other end of the airport to the counter to tell the airline she would not be getting on that flight. And then she began begging them to find her checked bag and pull her luggage off the plane so she could take it home with her. Then she called the friend who had just dropped her off at the airport, to return and pick her up.

Cancelling plans after she bought a plane ticket is a pretty douche move in and of itself. But cancelling plans via voicemail, when she's AT THE AIRPORT, given he talked to her 12 hours earlier is worthy of the title of Douchebag of the Week.

*colorful synonyms for douchebag