Do y'all remember that old expression "every Tom, Dick and Harry in town"? As in, "I'm not going to offer to take in sewing for every Tom, Dick and Harry in town...just my relations."
Just a couple of days ago, I realized that "Tom, Dick and Harry" ARE my relations.
Tom: my mom's oldest brother. His name is Thomas. I call him Uncle Tommy, his sons call him "D" (because when they were very young they couldn't say "dad" and "D" stuck) and his illegitimate grandson calls him "Big D", or at least that's what they're trying to get him to call him.
Dick: my second cousin*. His name is Richard (and currently he goes by Rich) but when he was younger, he was known by the formerly popular nickname for Richard: Dick.
Harry: my dumbass cousin. He is actually Tom's son and therefore my first cousin. I refer to him as my dumbass cousin because the kid is actually very smart but makes poor life choices. For example, his exit from the university system did not include a diploma, a gown or a GPA higher than 0.9. On a 4.0 scale. Following that adventure he moved home where he proceeded to get involved with a girl who was 3 years (or so) his junior. So when she got pregnant, she was a junior in high school...and under 18. She has since started dating someone else (with whom she exchanges text messages during our family functions, which she attends with the blessed child) as has Harry. But his last girlfriend dumped him because he tried to hire strippers while out of town for a football game.** Like I said, poor life choices.
Next time you hear the phrase "Tom, Dick and Harry" you can think of me and my family. Granted, it might be a while before you hear that phrase again, because it's not exactly new lingo, but when you do...you can think of me.
Just a couple of days ago, I realized that "Tom, Dick and Harry" ARE my relations.
Tom: my mom's oldest brother. His name is Thomas. I call him Uncle Tommy, his sons call him "D" (because when they were very young they couldn't say "dad" and "D" stuck) and his illegitimate grandson calls him "Big D", or at least that's what they're trying to get him to call him.
Dick: my second cousin*. His name is Richard (and currently he goes by Rich) but when he was younger, he was known by the formerly popular nickname for Richard: Dick.
Harry: my dumbass cousin. He is actually Tom's son and therefore my first cousin. I refer to him as my dumbass cousin because the kid is actually very smart but makes poor life choices. For example, his exit from the university system did not include a diploma, a gown or a GPA higher than 0.9. On a 4.0 scale. Following that adventure he moved home where he proceeded to get involved with a girl who was 3 years (or so) his junior. So when she got pregnant, she was a junior in high school...and under 18. She has since started dating someone else (with whom she exchanges text messages during our family functions, which she attends with the blessed child) as has Harry. But his last girlfriend dumped him because he tried to hire strippers while out of town for a football game.** Like I said, poor life choices.
Next time you hear the phrase "Tom, Dick and Harry" you can think of me and my family. Granted, it might be a while before you hear that phrase again, because it's not exactly new lingo, but when you do...you can think of me.
*Background on this terminology: His mother is my grandmother's sister. He is my mother's cousin and therefore my second cousin. Unlike TCM, who is my third cousin because her mother is my mother's cousin. Just wanted to point out that these people are ACTUAL kin and not just creekwater kin.
**Or something like that. I get most information on Harry from another cousin.
