Singapore is like Band Camp

Like, for REAL.

Queenie and I have traveled around a bit, always having a good time, often getting weird looks from strangers and usually laughing. And over the course of our travels, we have come to the conclusion that there are MANY things in life, for which we are properly prepared, thanks to Band Camp.

For those of you who are unaware, yes, I was in the band in high school and yes, I went to band camp. Our entire HS marching band went to camp together for a week each summer to do marching band stuff. 

And at various points in my adult life, I have had the occasion to think - and then exclaim - THIS is just like band camp!

A train in France was just like band camp, in that there was a woman chaperoning a school group on our train who scolded us much like the infamous band moms of our past.

Peru was just like band camp, in that we walked a lot and ate meals as a group. And we had sherpas carrying our things around for us. (Although at band camp, the sherpas were freshmen and they were free. In the Andes, we had to pay for that. There were no freshmen around.)

And Singapore is like band camp in that you walk a lot, get sweaty and no one really cares, because everyone else is walking a lot and is just as sweaty as you. So that's cool.

Of course, this means Singapore is also like band camp in that you need Band-Aids, sunscreen, baby powder and athletic tape, for the blisters, sunburn, heat rash and sprained ankles that come along with.

Asian Adventure: Day 1

So you know how I told you The BF moved to Singapore?  Well, he did. He’s still there. And now I’m going to visit! I’ve been planning this visit pretty much since before he left, so I’ve been looking forward to it for a while. We’ve planned side trips to Indonesia (awesome little beach resort on an Indonesian island) and Cambodia (touring around Siem Reap and the temple ruins at Angkor Wat) and Malaysia (Malacca and Kuala Lumpur. KL has some REALLY tall buildings. Like the hotel double tower thing that used to be the tallest building in the world until they built the Burj Dubai…or whatever they’re calling it these days.  But yeah, that’s pretty much why I want to go there. I like tall things. Eiffel Tower, Space Needle, window seats on airplanes: I like looking down on things from up high. It’s fun!)

I’m literally en route, writing this from the Tokyo Airport (which is lovely).  With the time difference, it’s just about midnight in Seattle, so as a first post of my Asian adventure, I’ll start by giving you the highlights of today. To make it easier, I’ll break it up into things I did and things I didn’t do.

Things I did today:

• -          Got up at 5am to finish packing and getting my apartment ready to leave.
• -          Washed some dishes that have been sitting in my sink/on my counter for LITERALLY weeks, waiting to be washed. (Go ahead, judge away. I judge myself for that.)
• -          Went to The BF’s storage unit to get his flip flops and bathing suits (for said island beach resort trip). Somehow, despite talking about it several times –and visiting the storage unit several times (ahem, tent) I managed to not remember to do that until TODAY.
• -          Got a tetanus shot. Technically, I got the full DTAP booster, for tetanus and diphtheria and pertussis. Been meaning to do that for a while. Figure I should really make it happen before leaving the country.
• -          Took a shower. (This may sound unworthy of mention, but when looking at the rest of these lists, I think you’ll understand the feat this was.)
• -          Packed a ridiculous amount of stuff into 2 suitcases and a carry-on tote. Managed to keep one of the suitcases under the 50 lb weight limit. Speaking of, when did they change the international baggage weight limit to 50 lbs?!
• -          Watched the cab I called to go to the airport drive off without me. I was wrestling the aforementioned heavy suitcases out my apartment door and the cab driver apparently got tired of waiting and drove away. I watched him drive away.
• -          Talked to my mom, The BF, Queenie and texted with Julie Vegas, Fritha and KJ.
• -          Drove to my office and picked up two large boxes of Christmas china. Took them home.
• -          Interacted with co-workers assisting me in this endeavor without earrings, make-up or combed hair. I also had not showered or brushed my teeth. They helped me anyway.
• -          Bought vitamins. Fit them into the aforementioned suitcases.
• -          Attended a conference call for work.
• -          Met a Gamecocks fan in the Tokyo airport. He’s from SC and his brother is a linebacker on the football team at Carolina. He was impressed to meet an alumni from SC in the Tokyo airport. Or maybe he was just scared cuz I’m so old. Either way.
• -          Read a whole book.
• -          Watched The Avengers. It was good….kinda wish I’d seen it in the theater though.
• -          Watched The Hunger Games. Twice. Even though I have seen it. In the theater. At IMAX.
• Made it onto my 1pm PT flight, with bags checked and carry-on stowed and even had time to get an iced coffee at the airport SBUX.

Things I didn’t do today:

• -          Watch tv or use the internet. Cuz I canceled cable while I’m gone and it shut off at midnight.
• -     Remember that I had no tv or internet. Until I tried several times to access both of those things , including Netflix via XBOX 360, several times.
• -          Brush my teeth. I know. Gross. I felt gross all day. I was basically naked when my cab driver called to tell me he’d arrived, so in the rush to throw clothes on and wrestle my suitcases out the door, tooth-brushing didn’t happen. Of course, if I had known that my cab driver was leaving me and I’d have to wait 10 mins for another one, I could have brushed my teeth. And put on face cream. And maybe even make-up. Because those are things I also did not do.
• -          Sleep on my first flight like I’d planned.
• -          Work out. (ha!)
• -          Wash my hair. I meant to do that, but….well……you know.
• -          Remember to put deodorant on BEFORE I packed it. Fortunately I was able to quickly pull out some deodorant from my travel toiletries bag and did wear deodorant today.

So that’s the first day of my Asian adventure. More to come. 

Douchebag of the Week

Y'all. I have some friends who are dating DUDES.

I mean....DUDES.

Pie recently went through this with a 20-something-year-old dude who wore low-slung sweatpants with a popped-collar polo shirt and sunglasses on his forehead after dark. In Seattle. Where we dont have sun anyway.

Then there's Queenie. Who's been seeing this dude for 3 months (or so). And when they hang out, they have a great time. He's super fun and sporty and interesting and thinks she's super fun and interesting. They have fun outings or just fun conversations over dinner, etc.

There are just a couple of problems here:
- They've been seeing each other for 3 months and never has the conversation of "are we exclusive?" come up. When you're in college, or immediately thereafter, that may seem normal. But by the time you are a real adult, you are likely not dating just for fun and want to be in a relationship. And if the guy you're seeing is a real adult (NOTE: age is just a number when it comes to this. more on that later.), he'll be in the same situation. Men are pretty simple: they like what they like. If he likes you and wants to be in a relationship with you, he's not going to let much time go by before he tries to lock you down. Let's take Fritha and Conan for example. Four months after they met, they were dating pretty seriously and he's trying to figure out how to drop the L bomb without freaking her out. Even BF and me - once I realized we were dating, it was not long at all (< 3 months) before we were serious. He was dragging me to his work functions, to meet his friends in other cities, to meet his family in another state. (standard disclaimer: every relationship is different and everybody moves at their own pace, blah blah blah so, you know, whatevs)

- The guy, let's call him Tank, doesnt have a "real job" so he has a weird schedule and lots of time on his hands. Therefore he takes lots of last minute side trips to play golf, go to the beach, go to a wedding. Due to this, his schedule is a little wacky and he isnt really into planning things. Which would be fine, except that it bugs Queenie. She has her ess together and likes to plan things. Case in point: July 2, she texts him to ask if he has July 4th plans and invites him to hang out. He tells her he's not sure he's going to be in town. July 4th was a Wednesday this year. Makes impromptu out-of-town trips a little harder. And yet, still, less than 48 hours before fireworks time, he's not sure he's going to be in town. This is either a blow-off or the lame, flaky truth, but either way, ugh.

- But even the flakiness and lack of scheduling could be overlooked....except.....his preferred communication method is texting. Now, as a general rule, I'm not anti-texting. But it is a limited sort of communication vehicle and needs to be balanced with phone calls, emails, post cards, in-person chats, etc. to have real conversations. Apparently Tank does not agree. He pretty much ONLY texts Queenie. Even after she told him that she would like them to add more in-person time in among the texting, he continues to primarily text her. 


So, Queenie decides this is not the kind of relationship she wants to be in and responds to his text by saying "BTW - I'm kinda over all this texting. LMK if you wanna hang out in person sometime."

She is clearly articulating a communication preference to someone with whom she is going on dates. I support this.

The response,via text of course, effectively clenching his spot as DBOTW: "ok".


Queenie is walking away, head held high. 

Drive-bys

So, when I was in high school and college, it was a favorite pastime of ours (Queenie and me) to drive by people's houses.

Friends, boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, wannabe boyfriends, friends' boyfriends...you get the picture.

This is pretty much how Queenie and I spent a lot of evenings:
I'd drive to Queenie's parents' house. Chat with the fam for a bit before telling them we were headed out for ice cream. We'd hop into the better car option for the evening (Had I scored Mom's Buick? Had she snagged the Queen Mother's Volvo? Or were we stuck with the 1989 Camry wagon or the 1986 Pontiac? We later had the options of Nissan Sentra, Honda Accord and Jeep Cherokees...but still) and drive off.

First stop: D'Lites Emporium. The pioneering healthy "ice cream" shop. They served sugar-free, fat-free and low-carb ice cream before that was en vogue. They always had chocolate and vanilla, then would rotate in other flavors. Queenie would try the weird flavors...I'd stick with vanilla soft-serve with Oreo crumbs. We'd hang around and flirt with the guys who worked there, then we would hang around the parking lot with whichever friend we ran into (because we always ran into someone). THEN the real fun would begin!

We'd jump into the vehicle of the evening and head out to ride by houses. We'd usually start with SW's house. SW was a guy who went to our high school, but we didn't really know during high school. And we didn't really know where he lived until college, when SW and I interned together and had an ongoing flirtation. We went on some dates once, nothing serious. But he was cute and I was perpetually interested in what he was up to.

From there we would head to Queenie's former neighborhood, where AR, KB and others lived. We'd assess the cars in front of AR's home to determine if she was home, if her mother was home and if either AR or AR's mother was entertaining a "guest".

KB was near AR and almost always home, but so were her parents and her 86 brothers and sisters, so we'd keep driving. Then depending on the mood, we'd either drive my MM, CW, KC and/or others, just for fun.

We'd always conclude the night by going back to Queenie's parents' house and watching crap late night TV. Like, "Fifth Wheel" or "Elimi-Date" or "Mad About You" re-runs.

We'd discuss the drive-bys of the evening, what we'd seen, what we'd experienced and when we'd do it again.

Then I'd go home.

It was awesome.

I want to do it again. REAL SOON.

Moobs

You know that part in Mean Girls where Janis and Cady and Damian plot their revenge on Regina George? And they layout the three sources of Regina's power? Yeah, it's awesome.

Similar laws are at hand in Queenie's dating life. Coleslaw, her former...uh...associate was found to be fantastic due to his:
High Status arm candy (Queenie)
Technically good physique (Hot Body)
Loyal band of ignorant followers (Army of Skanks)

Well, we know that he and Queenie are no longer associated. By all accounts (ok, according to Facebook), his "ignorant followers" have dwindled, but he is nevertheless surrounded by an "army of skanks", most of whom are barely old enough to buy alcohol and many of whom have fake...stuff, ranging from hair to nails to fibers to....well, whatever.

But the Hot Body, is apparently deteriorating. According to recent reports by a credible source (Queenie) who conducted extensive research (on Facebook), Coleslaw has lately begun sporting moobs. Yes, the fear of men everywhere, the man-boob (moob, chesticle, etc.) has reared its ugly head under Coleslaw's pastel-colored, popped-collar Ralph Lauren polo shirt.

Bless his heart.

Douchebag of the Week

I feel a little wrong giving the award to a chick, but...well...if the shoe fits....

Queenie used to have this friend who's a little, um, unbalanced? I heard about the girl (from Queenie) for years before actually meeting her and in the 15 minute in-person meeting, she solidified everything I had heard (flighty, short attention span, spastic).

This girl invites Queenie to hang out with some other friends (one of whom is Coleslaw) and Queenie has a great time and enjoys spending time with these people. After a few weeks, the douchebaguette gets a little jealous that Coleslaw is paying more attention to Queenie than to her.

This next part is a bit fuzzy, but since this is my blog, you can read my interpretation of the situation.

The girl (let's call her Punky) and Queenie rode together to a party one night. Late in the evening, Punky says to Queenie, "I'm going to try to get Todd to take me home with him*. You need to get a ride home." (take a moment to recognize the multiple layers of tacky in that statement.........ok) When Punky secures the invitation from Todd, Coleslaw (Todd's BF) offers to give Queenie a ride home.

Queenie gets home safely. Punky goes home with Todd. They go pick up her car the next morning.

Fast forward a week or so to Coleslaw laming out....and Queenie wondering why all of a sudden he just doesn't seem that into her anymore.

Fast forward a couple of weeks later to Queenie telling Punky she still doesn't know why Coleslaw lamed out on her. Punky keeps saying “I don’t know! I don’t know why he lamed out! He told me he liked you!”

Fast forward another week or so to Queenie at a party where Sally comes over and says “I think Coleslaw heard something about you from some other people and that’s why he lamed out.”

Turns out that Punky told Todd, who told Coleslaw, who told Jason, who told Sally, that Queenie doesn’t ‘ride kangaroos’. And Coleslaw wanted to be with someone who does ‘ride kangaroos’ so he lamed out. (BTW – clearly marsupial mounting is not the real issue here.)

Queenie is proud of her choice not to ‘ride kangaroos’ but that's not for Punky to tell Todd (to tell Coleslaw, to tell Jason, to tell Sally). That’s for Queenie to talk about as she chooses.

So Queenie asks Punky about it, to which she replies, “What?!?!” And when Queenie says there’s no other way for that news to get out, other than Punky telling Todd, Punky says “I mean…uh…oh…uh…I mean, maybe I said something to him or maybe it slipped out…you know, like if I was drunk or something.”

Queenie tells Punky she's upset about this, but Punky doesn't really understand why. The prevailing theory is that Punky needed some attention and thought that by pointing out that “She doesn’t ‘ride kangaroos’ but I do!” would make her more popular. Queenie feels a little sabotaged and pretty much figures that she can’t trust Punky anymore.

Queenie attempted to move past it and continue her friendship with Punky, but every time Queenie called, Punky wouldn't call back. Even when Queenie called to invite Punky to a birthday thing for a mutual friend, Punky doesn’t call back. Or show up. Punky just keeps getting lamer and lamer.

So Queenie has written off Punky, chalking her up to being a douchebaguette.

*Dear Punky, if you have to talk a guy into hanging out with you, he's just not that into you! There's a movie you should see....oh wait...you already did.

The Tad Makes Me Fat

When The Tad moved to Portland, I lost weight. In the 8 weeks he's been back in town, I have gained 8 lbs. Yes, that's still single digits, but that is one pound a week. At this rate, by the end of the year, I'll be one of those people who can't exit my home without the aid of large machinery.

For those who havent met The Tad, let me just explain something: he's ridiculous. He's the one who wrote the Craigslist post about the crapshoot of a first date; when he met Queenie, he stroked her face and tried to throw carrots down her dress; he owns multiple Elton John bobbleheads and Celine Dion t-shirts.

Regardless, there are 2 things about which you should ALWAYS trust The Tad: the internet and food.

Therefore, when The Tad says "let's go eat", I have no choice but to say yes. I KNOW that whatever happens after that will be entertaining and delicious. So I say yes. And I eat. And I gain 8 lbs.

LLAMAS! Part #3

So, I never really finished the post on my trip to Peru. And at this point, should I even bother?

Here's the quick wrap-up:
Day 2 on the trail was RIDICULOUS and raining all day. But we made it up and over Dead Woman's Pass, ahead of schedule and without needing oxygen. woo!
Day 3 on the trail was AWESOME. We had amazing weather, gorgeous views and were (again) ahead of schedule, giving us plenty of time for sightseeing and historical stories. We arrived at camp ahead of all other groups and settled in for the afternoon, eating candy bars and drinking local beer and enjoying the day and our hiking group. The Andes Mountains are truly majestic and gorgeous.
Day 4 started WAY before sun-up. I don't generally like to wake up before God wakes up and turns the lights on, but it was kinda worth it. We arrived at the highly lauded Sun Gate in time to see the sun rise over the ruins at Machu Picchu. At least, that's what we would have seen if not for the pea soup-like fog surrounding us. So we kept hiking and made it to the entrance to Machu Picchu in time to see the fog rise from below us and dissipate. The rest of the day was gorgeous as we dragged our tired, aching, sore, pained, exhausted bodies around the ruins and had a great time. After touring around, we headed into town for lunch and bevos (yay!) then took a dip in the natural hot springs and slept in a bed for the first time in many many days.
The next day, we tooled around Aguas Calientes, ate some delicious pizza and took the train back to Cusco.
Train ride: hilarious. We had snacks and a fashion show.
Commute from train station: bizarre. We arrived ahead of the other groups and our bus driver arranged a car for us. We piled in and rode the 45 minutes back to town at breakneck speed, up and down a mountain on a barely paved road with no lanes, with the gas gauge on E the entire time. Fritha thought she was going to die the whole time. Queenie, Midori and I were in the backseat, largely oblivious and having nice chats.

The rest of the time in Peru included dinner at Hilbert's resturant, birthday shenanigans for Fritha (ask her about the gift we got her) and an outing to a Peruvian night club, where we danced A LOT with Pixie, our new Irish friend. (ask Queenie or me to show you Pixie's signature dance move).

Delicious breakfast buffet at the swanky hotel in Cusco, followed by some time in the sun and last minute shopping and we were on our way home.

It was an AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME trip and I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone.

The end.

Douchebag of the Week

"I don't know...I don't know my schedule."

Coleslaw offered this weak excuse to Queenie in response to her inquiry of "when are we going to hang out again?"

Queenie and Coleslaw had been hanging out for a while, going to group outings together and really enjoying each other's company (read: making out) and he decided he wanted to take her on a date. So he called and asked her out, made plans and they went out. To dinner. Just the two of them. And had a nice time.

In the weeks that followed, he called her often and invited her to multiple group events, including trivia night, pub crawls, parties, etc. Queenie attended some events and spent time with Coleslaw, but also spent time talking to the other people there. You know, like polite people are supposed to do at a party.

After one such outing, Coleslaw walks Queenie to her car, as she is leaving and they proceed to chat in the parking lot for a while. At which point, Queenie asks "when are we going to go out again?" Generally, I'm in favor of letting the guy do the asking, at least at first, but Queenie's query was not out of line. He'd been continually communicating with her and inviting her to events, but not on a date.

His response, however, earns him title DBOTW. "I dunno...I dont know my schedule." First of all, if you're 25 years old and can't keep your own schedule organized, that's lame. And second of all, if that's an excuse you're giving for not wanting to go out with her again, that's a lame excuse. And thirdly, if he really does have a scheduling issue, there are far better ways to communicate it than the response he gave, which makes him look like a douchebag.

Even if he meant it as a blow-off, a simple “I’m busy this week, but maybe next” would have been better. Of course, honesty is always the best option. He could have simply said “I’m not really into dating; can we just get together and make out sometimes?” Or “I’m really not organized enough to know my schedule, so I don’t make plans.”

This just supports my theory that all 25-year-old dudes should be put in a hole and allowed out ONLY when (if) they prove they can handle it.

LLAMAS! Part #2

After sleeping in a tent in a parking lot in the middle of nowhere Peru and a delicious breakfast, complete with eggs, toast and coca tea (mmmm), we began.

Queenie, Fritha, Midori and I took "before" pictures as we began and set a few goals for the hike: 1 - Be "the fun girls". Take every advantage to have a blast, enjoy each other and keep up the spirits of ourselves and our group. Oh yeah, and make sure that everyone in our group thought we were as much fun as we did.
2 - Earn "street cred". Demonstrate hiking prowess and earn the respect of our group by flaunting our athletic abilities, stamina and outdoorsmanship. Or expert-looking outfits, pretty hair and fancy (matching) backpacks.
3 - Survive.

By lunch on day one, we were making solid progress on all 3 goals. We spent most of the day in the "chasing pack" of the group and got comments from our group members on how professional we looked in our outfits. Check.

Lunch on day one was AMAZING. Or maybe we were just starving by the time we got there. Either way, it was awesome. Our totally BA porters carried the food, the table, the stools, the equipment for cooking up the same mountain up which we carried our sorry selves. To say we were humbled would be quite an understatement.

After lunch we encountered some rockier terrain and several other hiking groups, but we kept traversing onward and upward (literally) and made it to camp ahead of schedule. And I smelled. The trail was hot and dusty and despite the dri-fit shirt and zip-off shorts, we were pretty sweaty. First order of business, wash up. Fortunately our totally BA porters had set up camp already and had bowls of warm water waiting for us when we arrived.

We then led group stretches and headed to happy hour, which consisted of coca tea, hot chocolate, popcorn and cookies. We had a great time chatting with our group members and snacking until dinner. We continued bonding with our group members over dinner and beyond, until bed time. Which was approximately 6:30pm. It was dark and quiet and we were tired, so at 6:30pm we brushed our teeth with bottled water, crawled into our tents and went to sleep.

Early the next morning (by early I mean CRACK of dawn, like 4:45am) we got up, did group stretching and began to prepare for the hard day.

To be continued...

LLAMAS! Part #1

Now that I've been back in the States for about a month, I'm FINALLY posting about my trip to Peru.
The short version: it totally rocked! I highly recommend it!
The long version: We had the best time! Everything was stellar, from the first (of many) flights to the food to the trail guides to the llamas.

After a panic-inducing passport check on the way to the airport, Fritha and I left Seattle on an overnight flight and thanks to a tiring work week and some Valium, we arrived in Newark somewhat well-rested and PUMPED for our trip. Queenie and Midori arrived a couple of hours later and after hugs and squeals (we're such girls) we began the official wait for our flight to Lima. We bought journals, exchanged currency, ate lunch, browsed make-up and jewelry stores, contemplated pedicures, naps and made final phone calls. Then we got on the plane.
8 hours later, we arrived in (less than glamorous) Lima. We drank Pisco Sours and went to bed, got up early and went back to the airport. The Pisco Sours were the highlight.
Cusco, on the other hand was much better. We arrived to a chilly, clear, sunny morning with bright blue skies and big mountains. And thinner air. And we felt it as soon as we got off the airplane. That altitude thing was TOTALLY weird.
Arriving at our hotel (the Torre Dorada) we instantly fell in love: with our hotel, with Cusco and with Peggy, the hotel owner. She poured us some tea and sat down with us to go over our itinerary for the week while others carried our luggage upstairs for us. She showed us maps, gave us advice, booked us on a private tour of the Sacred Valley and basically rocked our faces off. After settling in, we headed into downtown for lunch and exploring. Between the altitude and the travel and the jetlag, we needed a nap after lunch, then headed back downtown for a lovely dinner and then early to bed. The next day we got up pretty early for delicious breakfast with Peggy, then off to the city! We saw the main square, did some shopping, visited a temple, saw llamas and really had a blast. Our definition of "blast" included caipirinhas and the best. guacamole. ever.

We went to bed early and got up pretty early the following day for our private tour of the Sacred Valley. Victor, our guide, drove us around and played classic american rock in the van. We hiked around some ruins at Pisac, guided by the lovely and talented Ruben, shopped at some markets, ate at a buffet lunch and got back to town in time for our orientation meeting for the hike.
Highlights: Kristin's nosebleed, alpaca petting zoo, good shopping, Ruben hit on Sara, Victor, "You guys know this music is in Spanish, right?"

After our tours, we arrived back in Cusco in time for our trial orientation meeting. Our orientation meeting was supposed to be informative and introductory. It turned out to be shocking and panic-inducing. Our guide comes in, introduces himself and says he has bad news. He proceeds to tell us that there are protests scheduled for the city the next day and we need to leave for the hike earlier than expected. Like that night. Like in 2 hours. We were not packed, had not showered and had not eaten dinner. Given that we'd be camping and hiking for the next 4 days, we desperately wanted hot water, good dinner and well-packed bags. But being the industrious adventurers we are, we made a plan and got it handled. We showered, packed, purchased and ate dinner, checked out of the hotel, said goodbye to Peggy and got to the hike bus early enough to play the name game with our group members before loading up.
A LONG bumpy ride later we arrived in the parking lot where we'd be spending that night. We got up the next morning, paid to use the bathroom, to which we brought our own water for brushing teeth, washing face, washing hands and flushing the toilet. Yes, we paid to use a toilet that required us to provide the water after sleeping in a tent in a parking lot.
Then we started hiking.
More on that later....